The Emotional Roller Coaster

To say that every moment I have spent in Bologna has been full of endless laughter, fun, and sunshine would be a complete lie. In fact, the sun barely comes out. It will occasionally peak out from behind the clouds for a few hours in the afternoon, but it never hangs around for long, and ironically, it makes the temperature outside colder. I'm told this is because the clouds help to insulate the city, making August a miserable and sweltering month and supposedly the worst weather-wise. There hasn't been much balance or moderation. Rather, my experience thus far can be defined by extreme highs and extreme lows, perpetually vacillating back and forth between the two. The good times have been inexplicably wonderful and the bad times have been miserable. Becoming friends with the other students in BCSP has been phenomenal. They are all wonderful, interesting, and genuine people - unique in their own way - and I think we would all be much worse off if we didn't have each other, especially amidst the frustration that this apartment hunt has caused for us all. Speak of the devil, the stress associated with finding an apartment has been the primary source of most of my stress and discouragement. Not to mention the fact that I have been pretty ill for the past week and have nonetheless had to forage out into the cold weather and check out apartments while trying to make a good impression despite having a cough terrible enough to scare anyone away. There have been moments where I have just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. I rarely get sick (and I mean "sick sick"), and even when I contract minor colds I am always the "suck it up, stick it out" kind of person. But when I get really sick (like I am now), the only remedy is curling up in my bed and sleeping or drinking hot tea. I am also becoming more and more exhausted of living out of a suitcase and desperately miss having a place to call "home." Even though a home doesn't always need an address, (thanks Cat) I miss having a place of comfort and warmth. This is only exacerbated by the fact that I have yet to secure a place to live here. I have never in my life felt so detached and displaced. The friends I have made so far through BCSP have become my only source of familiarity and comfort, and they have been absolutely wonderful. Without them, I would barely be standing on my own two feet. The highs and lows often vary hourly. You could be feeling great one minute, perhaps after seeing an apartment that you really like, and completely downtrodden the next because you found out that it was given to another person. I even had a friend who was offered a place at an apartment that she really liked and was really excited about it only to find out the next morning that the girls could no longer offer her the open room. It is a constant struggle to stay optimistic. However, there is always hope. I definitely have options, but the apartments that I have visited with have yet to contact me back and let me know if they have chosen me or not. I would return home excited and content after seeing one that I liked, only to again feel discouraged and frustrated when a few days had passed and no response followed. Tonight I visited an apartment on Via San Vitale (a GREAT location) and absolutely fell in love with the apartment and the students who lived there. I want to live there SO BADLY. It is in a beautiful complex and I would be living with 6 other students, 4 Italian, 2 French, and they were unbelievably nice. We chatted for a while and they offered me caffe and some delicious pasta that one of the girls had made and they truly seemed like they liked me. They also told me they thought I spoke Italian well and had never met an American who could speak Italian before, and that was definitely a much-needed confidence boost. The bad news is that I may not hear from them until Sunday or Monday (and we are departing from the hotel Saturday eeka), but I'm probably going to end up having to stay with a friend for a little bit after Saturday anyways. But I will be REALLY disappointed if I don't get it - it was by far my favorite out of everything that I have seen. But we shall see. As I have been saying, it is only a matter of time until I hit another low and start stressing out again because I am essentially homeless. But I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally get settled and return to a normal, stable routine. It's also been difficult trying to take care of all of this housing stuff while also keeping up with my Italian class. I love my teacher but we have had a tremendous amount of homework and between studying and house-hunting I have been exhausted. I'm also hoping to get back into a regular running schedule - I've definitely been missing out on all of those beta endorphins. Hopefully, cross my fingers, by the end of this weekend I will have a home. THE home, that is. For now, that is my only wish.